For Dr Cait
Deep in the night,
Amongst the falling snow,
And otherworldly glow,
Memories are stirred.
There is such stillness in the world,
A tremendous silence,
That rings in my ears,
And drives sleep from my eyes.
The bed groans,
And floorboards creak,
And ankles crack,
And glasses are found.
Down the stairs,
Past windows festooned,
With garland, and candles,
I walk out into the darkness.
Seated against a silent slope,
I watch my footprints disappear,
And breath escape me, smoking,
Like the burning from within.
Ruminations, and recriminations,
Consume every thought,
And fill my head, and my heart,
With such aching, and loss.
The finality of forever,
Found me unsuspecting,
And fell upon me completely,
Much as this cold, and snow.
What could I have said differently?
What could I have done differently?
Why couldn’t I have been kinder?
Why couldn’t I have been better?
So many unspoken words,
Cannot be spoken now.
And I have naught but this silence,
And what was done, and how.
They say time heals all wounds,
And scars can make us stronger,
But tonight the wound is open,
And stained with my tears.
But I would not trade these tears,
No, not for anything,
I am grateful for these tears,
It means that I knew you.
The snow falls on,
Through a silent, ghostly sky,
I know I should go in,
But think I’ll stay a while longer
